Is Nick Clegg off his rocker? or his rocking horse? He thinks he has come up with a brilliant way of allowing women to still have the choice of being a "career" woman or a "mother". Well, funny you should mention that Nick, because actually, women do still get that choice now, and taking 3 months to a year off work following birth doesn't change their future.
But by April 2015, Nick has suggested that mothers will automatically get their 18 weeks of statutory paid leave but then couples can decide who takes the remaining 34 weeks (16 of which is paid) between them.
Additionally, irrelevant of the choice above, fathers can get an extra four weeks paternity pay (statutory) to be taken at any time and spaced out if necessary throughout the year. This is known as the "daddy month" and actually, this works!
The problem most couples find at the moment, is that the first couple of weeks after a baby is born, assuming that the birth has gone well and everyone is home safe and sound, the baby generally tends to sleep a lot. I know when mine came home (especially Lucy, who was discharged with me 24 hours after my c-section), there was a lot of sleeping being done, and not just by the babies! Lovely to have hubby home for a couple of weeks, but he did take the opportunity to have little cat naps when the babies were too. Nice for him, it didn't really matter so much for me as there was little else to do (once I'd instructed him on washing colours, what can be tumble dried and how to read the cooking instructions on the ready meals). So given the chance for him to take his paternity leave later in the year, I might have gone for that option and he could have helped out around the 6 month mark when I was returning to work.
Paternity leave however is so very very different from MATERNITY leave.
When my first child, Molly was born, I was lucky. The company i was working for had a fantastic maternity pay policy and I was able to take almost a full year off work and be paid a decent amount for the most of it. My 2nd I was on statutory maternity pay, so I had little choice but to return back to work after 6 months.
If I had shared those 6 months with my husband, not only would we be a lot worse off financially, as he earns more than I do, but I would also miss out on that special time a mother has bonding with her child, and, I'm not kidding anyone here, that special time a mother has doing coffee mornings and bonding with other friends who aren't at work!
This may sound like a dig at men, but really its a reality check, and not just basing this on my own darling husband, but on all my friend's husbands too (maybe bar one, who is one of the best mothers I know). Men are lovely, and there is no denying that they love their children as much as we mothers do, but genetically, THEY CAN'T MULTI-TASK.
Think to the odd days where hubby has been home with baby Lucy all day. Hmmm.... I've come back from a busy day at the office (despite taking my maternity leave I still have a fabulous job that pays well and which I love). Daddy and baby are sitting on the couch. Lucy is in a different outfit to the one I dressed her in that morning, daddy is still in his Pyjama's. He looks stressed.
"Did you have a fun day" I ask, knowing full well that the days i'm not working are fun-filled and VERY busy.
"Well..." it starts "By the time she had poo'd through her first outfit, and i changed her, it was snack time, but then she got food down her top so I changed her again, and then we watched some TV and I took her out in the car to fall asleep. We got back and I had a little nap too because I was so tired. Then we had lunch and played in the lounge a bit and now you're home"
"Oh ok, did you put a wash on then with all her mucky clothes? and did you get a chance to empty the dishwasher? and whats for supper?"
Blank look... "I've been busy. The baby hasn't let me do anything all day" and that is generally how it goes.
Look at it the other way round, this is a day in the life of me on my non-working day -
Wake up the same time as if I was going to work
Get me and the girls washed and dressed before going down for breakfast
Do school reading, get snack ready and check Molly has everything she needs for school.
Saddle up both girls and take Molly to school. Chat to the other mums, feeling chilled and happy to see my friends.
Go home with Lucy, check my emails - both work and personal, as there is a lot of work stuff going on at the moment. Give Lucy a banana to keep her quiet whilst I make a work call.
Do a quick PTA letter and we both go back over to school to get it printed out
Pop off to play group. Drink my first cup of coffee of the day and chat to friends whilst Lucy plays with their kids and other people's toys. Make sure she has a good feed at snack time. I know that she'll sleep in the car on the way home.
pop to the local shops, we ALWAYS need milk, butter, cereal etc.
Lucy falls asleep on the half mile journey home.
Put her to bed, decorate a fruit cake, wrap some christmas presents, empty the washing machine, put the tumble drier on and non tumble clothes on the radiator, empty the dishwasher and think about what to make for dinner that evening. Realise I forgot something at the shops.
Lucy wakes up, we have a cuddle and I make her lunch. A friend pops in for tea and to try my home made pies. She is impressed.
Walk back over to school to collect Molly and have another chat with the mums about how nice our days have been so far.
Put girls straight in the car, with a sandwich for Molly. Head to the supermarket. Buy everything I'd forgotten to get that morning and head home.
Make the girls supper and do reading with Molly. Check my emails again.
Put the telly on after all that, and Daddy comes home.......
Get me and the girls washed and dressed before going down for breakfast
Do school reading, get snack ready and check Molly has everything she needs for school.
Saddle up both girls and take Molly to school. Chat to the other mums, feeling chilled and happy to see my friends.
Go home with Lucy, check my emails - both work and personal, as there is a lot of work stuff going on at the moment. Give Lucy a banana to keep her quiet whilst I make a work call.
Do a quick PTA letter and we both go back over to school to get it printed out
Pop off to play group. Drink my first cup of coffee of the day and chat to friends whilst Lucy plays with their kids and other people's toys. Make sure she has a good feed at snack time. I know that she'll sleep in the car on the way home.
pop to the local shops, we ALWAYS need milk, butter, cereal etc.
Lucy falls asleep on the half mile journey home.
Put her to bed, decorate a fruit cake, wrap some christmas presents, empty the washing machine, put the tumble drier on and non tumble clothes on the radiator, empty the dishwasher and think about what to make for dinner that evening. Realise I forgot something at the shops.
Lucy wakes up, we have a cuddle and I make her lunch. A friend pops in for tea and to try my home made pies. She is impressed.
Walk back over to school to collect Molly and have another chat with the mums about how nice our days have been so far.
Put girls straight in the car, with a sandwich for Molly. Head to the supermarket. Buy everything I'd forgotten to get that morning and head home.
Make the girls supper and do reading with Molly. Check my emails again.
Put the telly on after all that, and Daddy comes home.......
Please do correct me if i'm wrong but my day is the sort of day only a mother could handle, and still smile at her husband when he get's home and not be so tired that you can't have a bit of play time later on! Oo-er missus.
THAT is why I would NEVER let my husband take paternity leave without my supervision by his side, and I'd rather if he took time off, it was annual leave so he would still get a day's pay for it.
Nick Clegg, you're not really in touch with reality are you? You're assuming that women who take maternity leave cannot go back to high powered jobs, but so many of my friends return after a year off work to their Director and senior management positions. its not a problem of maternity leave, but a problem of some companies flexible working policies.
Anyway, despite all the mothering I do, I will always find time to bake a cake, and I have finally decorated my first ever christmas cake! I can't wait for Boxing Day when we'll be at my mums and I can start on it!
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