A lifecoach's guide to friends (not the TV show thank you) and Halloween cakes.

They say you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends, and I know from experience that I have chosen some of the best friends I could possibly choose. They are funny, pretty (not that it really matters), smart(ish), caring, kind, there when I need them, they know far too much information about my personal life and they wouldn't think twice about popping round to my Mum's for a cuppa if they were in the area.
That has got to be the best combination of friendship you could ask for.

But what people tend to forget, is that a friendship is not far off a relationship (usually without the "special cuddles"), and relationships aren't always destined to last, but unlike a romantic relationship, which would have a beginning (do you wanna go out with me?) and an end (its not you, its me!), friendships don't go that way, and so when a friendship starts to dwindle it can be a very hard time for both sides to realise that the friendship is coming to an end and its time to move on.
Also, unlike relationships, friendships are harder to come by. You can't just look for a single person to be your friend. Friends have lots of other friends (sometimes) and require a little more legwork than a simple first date, but at the same time, don't need that much pre-approach research (doesn't matter what they do for a living, if they went to college, if your Dad will approve).

The main difference between a friendship and a relationship is that decisions are usually jointly made in a relationship. Shall we move in together, shall we get married, are you REALLY going to go out wearing THAT????, shall we get a puppy or have a child.... all these decisions are made jointly and thus cause little surprise to either party.... but this is where a friendship can fail.  Many friendships fear CHANGE and change can lead to JEALOUSY.

When a friend is Jealous, it is time to say bye bye and move on to pastures new, but how often do we NOT do this!
A true friend isn't jealous of you. They are envious, or sometimes if you have something they want, they can just come and take it (ooh nice Jimmy Choos, just in my size too). They are proud of your achievements, adore your children, listen to your woes of work, love your husband like a brother, but hate him for that nasty comment he made about your new clothes, and what they say about your inlaws...... well, best we don't go there, hey!

Look at the friends you have around you. Do they meet the above criteria? Yes? Then fantastic, you've got yourself a winner. Not sure? Use my checklist below to see if you have a true friend or a jealous friend (and please note that people who are jealous of you are not actually your friends) -

SCENARIO                                              TRUE FRIEND                                           JEALOUS FRIEND
You announce you're engaged        "I'm going to be a bridesmaid"                      "So we wont have time to                                                                                                                                                                               go out any more?"

You book the wedding                     "I'll wear whatever you want me to"             "I'm really not a fan of                                                                                                                                                                                  pink/green/red..."

you get a big rise at work                   "Great, lunch is on you!"                             Nothing... they can't think of                                                                                                                                                                        anything positive to say

Your pregnant                                   "aarrgghh i'm going to be an aunty!"             "I'm pregnant too"/"My                                                                                                                                                                             neighbour's first cousins                                                                                                                                                                             friend is pregnant too"
My Husband has done something    "what a tosser! Lets cut up all his          "But he was really nice to
dreadful                                                          pants"                                                  me the other day!"
                                                                                                          
My baby is talking at 9 months           "ha ha, what a blabber mouth"               "Well mine can play the                                                                                                                                                                                 piano and anyway its not                                                                                                                                                                            good to talk too early!"

And so on and so forth.
But remember, its not just friends who can be jealous. It could be you too! Take a look at yourself and ask yourself if you're genuinely pleased for your friends; or do you wait for opportunities to slag off their latest purchase; smile when their child has been put in detention again; Secretly adore that they've put on a few pounds and clothes are struggling to fit. It might be time to reassess what you want from the friendship.  Think you can work at it? Invite them out to get horrendously drunk. It should end in tears at least - of joy and love or a big punch up. Either way you'll know where you stand at the end.

This blog doesn't relate to anything personal might I just add, rather from reading people's status' on Facebook and wanting to do my bit for charity, and making the world a nicer place for everyone, a little life coaching for a quiet weekday afternoon!

AND ON TO CAKE ...
well, I am proud to say I have diverted what could have been a total disaster (and a lot of scrummy useless chocolate cake). My first tray bake chocolate cake for the school Halloween party collapsed when I tried to take it out the tray. My attempt at Cake Pops failed miserably but I have redeemed myself with these little cake halloween bites

 And then I tried my cake bake again, this time remembering to line the tin (its the little things that make the biggest impact) and I'm quite pleased with my little spiders colony. Don't worry, they're not false widows :)