Shared parental leave. What do we really think?

Thank you government, for giving us a choice. As of 5th April 2015, parents have the choice of shared parental leave (SPL). This means that any time after the first 2 weeks of a mothers maternity leave (or 4 if she works in a factory), she can share the remaining year of parental leave with her partner.

In the grand scheme of things, this is actually a great idea. It puts to bed the idea that the man might be the "breadwinner" in the family and thus, the woman in the lower paid role can stay at home with baby, but so many more women are so successful in their own right. They have their careers, their independence and the right to have a child (birth or adopt). Why should their careers suffer as a result of doing the most natural thing and bringing a child into the world. From a psychological side too, it isn't always easy for a new mother to adjust. Bringing up a baby can actually be a very lonely affair, when you are stuck at home with a colicky baby. When you don't know where to go to take the baby out to meet people and make friends, and baby's are HARD WORK! I think the option to pass some of this over to the partner to share will reduce post natal depression, and bring back some normality to those who require it.

From the partners view, this also will reduce a great amount of potential post natal depression for the daddy/ partner, as so often, they get their two weeks leave and then have to return to the grind, back to normal without the joys and the shared responsibilities of those first months. It can be very depressing for a partner, who has also gone through this major life-changing experience, but doesn't get the opportunity to learn and share in this new life growing up. 

So, as a general summary, what a great idea. Great for the mother, the partner and also the baby who understands and recognises those about him very, very quickly. A simple, yet effective tool, that doesn't cost the government and the tax payer anything additional, yet adds so much value.

HOWEVER, having just said all of that, and having had two beautiful babies of my own (now aged 6 and 3) I wouldn't share! Call me selfish, but after two very long pregnancies (well probably the same as most people, I'm no elephant), having put on 5 stone for each one, so much discomfort, changes in hormones, and two c-sections. I wouldn't have given up my year off for the world. I enjoyed every second of bringing up baby, going out to find all the new local baby clubs, trying a bit of massage, yoga and really finding my feet in Costa Coffee with my new found friends and my cute little baby. I took the time to rest (sort of). A summer of strolling through the park with the buggy and the dog, but also making sure the washing, cooking and cleaning was done. Taking the opportunity to be a house wife before it passed by only too quickly and I had to go back to work! I now sit at work, dreaming about those carefree days of strolling, coffees, baby clubs, toddler groups, silly songs and little giggles. What my husband doesn't know won't upset him. If we'd have shared all of that, he might still be off now, being the house husband, enjoying his freedom, but not quite getting in ALL the corners with the duster!

The class collection... a note for Myleene

Following the press surrounding Myleene Klass' comments about the class collection, I thought I might put a few points together for Ms Klass so that hopefully she won't embarrass herself next time she makes a public display of ignorance (bless her cotton socks)

As class rep, and the instigator of the "would you like a collection for little Billy's birthday" question to mums I feel qualified to respond accordingly.
So Myleene, get your cup of cocoa and your reading glasses on for my top tips for a class collection.

1. Little Billy is in a class with children from all backgrounds. Little Billy is having a class party, some parents given the choice might spend £30 on him, others may only be able to spend a fiver.  The collection amount is not disclosed, only a name of a happy little child contributing to their friends birthday collection.

2. Who the hell is little Billy? I know my little Millie is in his class, but does he like Superman, Batman, Barbie or does he have other interests? Thank God I don't have to worry about what to buy him, knowing that either the class rep or his own darling mummy will get something he actually likes.

3. As Billy's mummy, spending a fortune on a party for 30 kids I barely know, what the HELL am I going to do with 30 plastic pieces of CRAP, actually 7 of which are exactly the same piece of crap, where do I put them? Do I rewrap some and wait for the next party! OMG, this is a nightmare.

4. As Billy's mummy again, I wish I could afford to buy Billy a kindle, but I can't justify spending that much on one present. If only we had a contribution, and I could tell little Billy that all his friends helped to buy his Kindle and he could let them all know what he's downloaded onto it.

5. Little Millie's mum certainly is happy knowing that she has contributed towards something little Billy actually WANTS, and although she didn't pay for the whole thing by a long shot, she knows that Billy (and his Mummy) will be really happy,

6. Oh Crap, says Little Dolly's mum. We've got the party this afternoon and I forgot to go out and buy little Billy a present. I wish someone had done a collection that I could put into and not worry about having to find something for Little Billy.

7. Little Johnny's mum is great friends with Little Billy's Mum and has decided she wants to get something personal from Little Johnny. Great.

Does that answer your question? Feel free to comment.
xx

Is the grass always greener?

Do you find that you are always looks at your friends, colleagues, acquaintances and complete strangers and thinking how much better they have it than you?
Do you think that they must go home, after a fun day in their fabulous job, to a loving other half, in their big, clean, decorated house, with well-behaved children, non shedding pets to an evening of laughter, fun and then lots of passion.
Do you think that the person in the queue in front of you in Asda must be the luckiest person in the world, because they are skinny and only have chocolate and wine in their trolley?
What about that person on the train, always smiling as their eye-devour their Iphone the whole journey?

They've all got it so much better than you, right? Probably WRONG!

It's funny how we make assumptions about the people around us, how we automatically see the imperfections in our own lives and wish we had what others have. But you never really know what goes on behind all those other doors and what is hidden from the surface.
It's very common, when meeting new people, and new potential friends that we see what we want to see, but sometimes we "see" too much in our picture of people, and to make a good impression, we ourselves don't want to start pouring our hearts out to new acquaintances. You don't want to scare them off, do you?
But rather than building a picture, based on absolutely nothing, of an idealist world you wished you lived in, that your friend probably does, and thus putting your own life down and feeling low about it, why don't you stand back and take a look at your own life. Look at the things that others might be envious of in YOUR life.
Yes, you might have just had a blazing row with your other half, but don't you just love the make up nooky. So what if your kids leave a trail of lego across the floor, purposely for your bare feet to find, check out that castle they just built. You never knew they were so creative.
Oh, and you're half a stone overweight? Poor skinny Minny down the road, hasn't eaten a piece of chocolate in two years, and there is a special offer on Thornton's with your name on it.

If you stop drooling over the fence at the greener grass (or are you looking through green tinted glasses), and look at your own grass, you will notice, between the tiny bare and muddy patches that always catch your eye, that the grass is actually not only a lush, deep green, but there are also Daisy's popping up all over it and it looks pretty, damn fine.  Then take a peek at your friends peering over at your grass, with that same look in their eyes, and do them a favour by pointing out their own Daisy's. Then move indoors and look at something that really makes you smile. Hold that thought in your head, and next time you wish your life was like your friend's, bring that thought forward and let the others wonder why you're so damn happy and smiley!

2014 - Exhausting!! And SO MUCH CAKE

What a busy year 2014 has been! There have been ups and there have been downs, there have been lefts and rights and round the bends, so rather than diarise the whole year, here are some Top Tips of 2014 for you...

1. Don't hold Grudges - It can put back so much in your life that you may not even realise was missing. Especially if you can't really remember the reason for the grudge, or looking back it's not as serious as it may have seemed at the time.

2. Frozen is really a great film - even after about 30 watches, it's still good! You can't help singing along with the rest of the world, however hard you try and resist.

3. Despite a national hatred of the BBC, it does produce some really good drama's that you wouldn't want to miss for the world! Dr. Who, In the Club etc.

4. You're never too old to start a new hobby... but you can really get laughed at when you're hanging upside down off a large pony!

5. Some friendships are not meant to last. Let go and don't hang on til it's too late and things get bitter. Be honest with yourself, do you really want to be friends with that person or are you just waiting for them to fall on their bums so you can laugh!

6. Dogs are awesome. Fact

7. Being 40 is super cool, best age of them all and everyone should have a go!

8. Being the designated driver is also cool, cheap and gives you a clear head the following morning. Especially cool when you have young children or Puppies to wake up to!

9. When your 6 year old daughter tells you "You look like a pregnant teenager", somehow that is meant to be a compliment,

10. Learn to love yourself. Until you do, how can you expect others to love you? Think of all the things that make you special, and who you are and celebrate those things.

11. You can't reminisce about the 70's any more for fear of celebrating a sexual predator. There are only about two episodes of TOTP that are ok to watch any more.

12. You cannot and SHOULD NOT expect your friends to watch all 5 videos of your childs end of term performances. One should be the max, irrelevant of how many children you have.

WISHING EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU A FAB CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY, HEALTHY NEW YEAR. SEE YOU IN 2015.. with more cake of course!

How to overcome people ... and rainbow Owl cake!

Aren't people funny creatures. You think they should be like you in some way, although you do realise that everyone is different, but oddly enough, some people just don't think like you do. They aren't programmed in the same way and probably think that you are very strange too.

Obviously, the first thing to note from this is that being different is good. How boring would the world be if everyone was the same. Thought the same, acting the same, had the same interests and ate the same food. So we should embrace and celebrate that everyone is different.
Having said that, it can be a right pain in the backside, when something so straight forward to you and comes as second nature without having to think about it, is so foreign to others.

So how do we deal with this? Sometimes we want to shout, scream and cry. Why can't others understand me? Why can't my friends treat me like I treat them. Why can't my boss give me a 50% payrise? Why can't the postman stick to the path instead of walking across my newly laid grass? It can be the smallest thing that irritates us the most, and if its a build up of one thing after another, you can be forgiven for wanting to scream or yell or facebook or tweet. Well STOP.  There is nothing to be gained (in most cases) by washing your dirty laundry in public. Look at the current saga with internet trolls. These are people, a lot of them just like you and me, who get pissed off at someone else's actions/appearance/comments and then write some really nasty things in the spur of the moment.. and then get hauled in by the police for harrassement. They don't gain anything apart from a warning, potentially a criminal record or even a prison sentence.

Think of how many celebrities you read about and disagree with. There are probably thousands of them, but would you start berating them publicly, or letting their actions upset you? Hopefully not (if you do, we need to talk).

The key to dealing with people who are getting your back up, is by not letting yourself get upset! So much easier said than done, you're saying. Yes and NO. You can teach yourself not to, and actually once you get the hang of it, its very rewarding!

Sometimes, when you really want to scream and shout, you should let yourself, but not in public. Sit in the car, have a good cry, call your bestie or your other half, but don't publish it.  Once that is out of your system, think about the person who has upset you.
What did they do and why did they do it? Think of how sad and unfortunate they must be, to behave in such a manner as to go around upsetting others. Think of THEM as the victim, start to feel sorry for them and their pathetic little lives.  Think of how lonely they are, because everyone else thinks of them as you do, they don't have real friends like you do, they don't feel love and other nice emotions.

Once you are in that mind frame, you can start to think of yourself, and how much a better person you are, because you behave so much better. You do the right thing, use the right manners, say the right words. The other person doesn't have those skills, what a shame for them.

The best thing, if they continue to treat you in a manner you don't want them to, is to look at them with pity, let them see the pity you have for them! Cock your head to one side when they're talking at you and give them a little smile. It will piss them off a LOT more than they are pissing you off and that will make you smile, and then you will become INVINCIBLE.

Having said all that, some people are rude because they've had a shitty day! Maybe send them this blog so they can have a better day and start to smile too.

Feeling good? You'll feel even better when you see this cake.....

Why 40 is so much better than 30... and a three tiered cake!

I've done it. I've reached my milestone 40th birthday and I'm happy as Larry.
For those of you in your twenties, who think I am old, you know NOTHING. Being 40 is the best age so far, because now I'M in charge. I do what I want to do and I don't care what others think.
Here's a brief run down of the other decades-

0-10.  Well, here I was quite under my mum's control. She determined my elfin haircut (just because everyone else had long hair) and decided I would do Judo instead of Acting classes, and Piano instead of dance. My mum chose my school (and I did love it though) and was the decision maker as to whether I had to go to Hebrew classes or not (luckily not for long).
I was a very good child, I didn't argue back much, so as a result, did what I was told, wore what I was made to wear but still very happy, just not a lot of control.

TEENS. A VERY interesting time and quite a lot of fun (not that my mum knows all of this). Still a lot of pressure on getting the right education, and choosing courses I thought I would want to. I persuaded my mum to let me drop Piano lessons, I left school and went to college. I was in control when I got the bus to college, but not necessary when James Drew was driving! I passed my driving test not long after I was 17, I met boys, a lot of boys (but mostly at the Jewish Youth clubs I was steered towards).
I met my best friend Candy and we decided to rebel without being naughty. That was the most fun! Turning up to an "evening in" wearing bondage trousers and biker boots, only listening to Chili Peppers and cool rock. Then we found the Hatfield Forum! Best days ever there, but still had to be back at a certain time because my mum would worry. Still felt sick with worry about what she would say when I totalled my first car a month after passing my test, still felt out of control and used eating as a weapon, and as a result was bullimic for many years.
Got to Uni, made some awesome friends, pretending that I was very independent and knew how to live on my own. Was still a goody goody and didn't bunk of any lessons. Was broke!

TWENTIES.  Finished Uni, had an amazing time living in Germany, got to know a few more boys, got popular in the music industry thanks to the family. Left uni and got a job, reverted back to living at home and following rules. Was still a very good girl, but with a little more money. Discovered designer togs and heartbreak (not necessarily linked). Got a mobile so could be a little more adventurous with my time keeping and spontaneity. Still VERY insecure. Followed people like a little lamb, always concerned about missing out and was a doormat occasionally because people knew I wanted to be "in". Chopped and changed jobs but didn't seem to progress.  Towards the end of the decade though I threw up on my husband to be's shoes and we fell in love...

THIRTIES. Such a busy decade. Became a lot more of a grown up, but so much pressure on becoming one there is less time to enjoy being me. Got a better job with good money, bought a house, bought a decent car, got married. Had some AMAZING holidays around the world and a few spontaneous weekend breaks abroad.
Had children, stayed in more, spent money on them, tried and tried to diet. Stopped dieting to try for a second baby. Hated my job, got depressed by it, luckily found a job I liked and spent an amazing three years there and without the stress got pregnant with Lucy. Spent lots and lots of money on children, house, petrol. Discovered Primark and dumped the designer. Still insecure, still paranoid about what people thought of me, if I was making a good impression. But then I headed towards where I am now.....

FORTIES. It's quite a big word and baffles me why the U from FOUR has been dropped. But here I am. I'm happy because I like myself. I like myself a lot. I love what I have become and what I've achieved. I am happy with my appearance albeit far from perfect, I choose whether I want to get drunk or just have a diet coke and drive. I choose my children's after school activities based on what I think they will enjoy (well Lucy hasn't actually done many yet, but she will). I adore my husband, I love my house. I downgraded my car, but its great because the music is loud, the colour is pretty and the boot space is awesome. I save money rather than splurge it, but when I've saved enough, I buy myself presents as well as the rest of the family. I reason with people, I don't agree with everyone and everything they say, but I listen to them and offer my opinion when it's wanted. It doesn't bother me now, if people change the plans, change their minds. If I think it's personal I will ASK. I have a plan, I have a bucket list (not that I'm preparing to leave this world any time soon). The future is exciting, I can be who I want to be. The last three decades were a great preparation for my forties and I'm grateful for how I got here. I'm still not ready for Radio 2. Now I'm here it's time to have FUN, LEXI STYLE!

And this was my birthday cake ..... and my hilarious 70s outfit.

Life begins at 40 and life is worth living.

Never work with animals and children..... we got a puppy!

Apparently, they say working with animals and children is very difficult. None of them listen or do what you want them to.... but what if you let the children and animals loose on each other, and work together. BLISS.

So we got a puppy a few weeks ago. He is a 13 week old Cockerpoo and we brought him home after letting the girls meet him where he was with his mummy and siblings.

We were pretty nervous, because our initial thoughts were of the puppy biting and scratching the girls, the girls treading on him and hurting him and him eating all their toys. However, things could not be going easier.

To start with, as we were potty training Lucy anyway, it was easy to manage toilet training of the dogs, and without too many errors of putting Lucy in the garden and Ben on the potty, we've mastered both of them going in the right place. Titbits all round. Lots and lots of toilet praise in our house at the moment.

Toys. There cannot be a better excuse than to say to Molly, our 6 year old. If you leave toys on the floor, I won't be able to stop the dog from eating them. Then they will have to go in the bin. Double result. Molly has kept the floor free of toys, and nearly always manages to put them back in the playroom, and on the odd occasion where she has missed a few (mostly annoying plastic McDonalds toys), I have had the luxury of putting them guilt free into the recycling bin.

Biting, scratching and pulling tails/legs.  This was admittedly my biggest genuine worry, as you can't really blame puppies or children for stumbling, teething and not looking where they are going. But as they are all as bad as each other, the girls are forever apologising to Ben for nearly treading on him, and he gets lots of cuddles out of them in their own guilt-ridden way. Might I add, that not once has Ben actually been hurt by them. On the flipside, he is a teething puppy and when he gets itchy teeth he will have a go at my or James' hands, but I'm pleased to say not once has he actually tried to eat a child. Scratching happens all the time though, but then children fall over, get bruised, tread on MY feet and pinch my fat bits in their playing anyway, so a little revenge by a tiny puppy makes it all better.

Playing. One of the best bits about having a puppy, especially one who isn't allowed out yet, so has quite a bit of energy to burn off, is having a two year old with an equal amount of energy. I can sit back and watch Lucy chase Ben around the garden, whilst Molly is in fits of giggles. The game only takes about 5-10 minutes before the smaller two are exhausted and come in for a rest. My Mummy role of getting the children/dog active is complete.

Love. Finally, watching the girls build their love and adoration for this gorgeous little puppy is fantastic. I especially love watching them when they don't know, and Molly will get down on the floor and have a little cuddle with Ben, declaring her love for him. He knows he has the best family, who love him more than anything and we can see that he loves us back.

Best decision we have made in a long time.

A very blurry picture, but thats the only problem with children and animals, trying to get them all to sit still for just two seconds!

And massive apologies, there is no cake this week. That is because I'm building up to two weeks of mammoth cake baking, so will post some pictures of that soon.

x