Shared parental leave. What do we really think?

Thank you government, for giving us a choice. As of 5th April 2015, parents have the choice of shared parental leave (SPL). This means that any time after the first 2 weeks of a mothers maternity leave (or 4 if she works in a factory), she can share the remaining year of parental leave with her partner.

In the grand scheme of things, this is actually a great idea. It puts to bed the idea that the man might be the "breadwinner" in the family and thus, the woman in the lower paid role can stay at home with baby, but so many more women are so successful in their own right. They have their careers, their independence and the right to have a child (birth or adopt). Why should their careers suffer as a result of doing the most natural thing and bringing a child into the world. From a psychological side too, it isn't always easy for a new mother to adjust. Bringing up a baby can actually be a very lonely affair, when you are stuck at home with a colicky baby. When you don't know where to go to take the baby out to meet people and make friends, and baby's are HARD WORK! I think the option to pass some of this over to the partner to share will reduce post natal depression, and bring back some normality to those who require it.

From the partners view, this also will reduce a great amount of potential post natal depression for the daddy/ partner, as so often, they get their two weeks leave and then have to return to the grind, back to normal without the joys and the shared responsibilities of those first months. It can be very depressing for a partner, who has also gone through this major life-changing experience, but doesn't get the opportunity to learn and share in this new life growing up. 

So, as a general summary, what a great idea. Great for the mother, the partner and also the baby who understands and recognises those about him very, very quickly. A simple, yet effective tool, that doesn't cost the government and the tax payer anything additional, yet adds so much value.

HOWEVER, having just said all of that, and having had two beautiful babies of my own (now aged 6 and 3) I wouldn't share! Call me selfish, but after two very long pregnancies (well probably the same as most people, I'm no elephant), having put on 5 stone for each one, so much discomfort, changes in hormones, and two c-sections. I wouldn't have given up my year off for the world. I enjoyed every second of bringing up baby, going out to find all the new local baby clubs, trying a bit of massage, yoga and really finding my feet in Costa Coffee with my new found friends and my cute little baby. I took the time to rest (sort of). A summer of strolling through the park with the buggy and the dog, but also making sure the washing, cooking and cleaning was done. Taking the opportunity to be a house wife before it passed by only too quickly and I had to go back to work! I now sit at work, dreaming about those carefree days of strolling, coffees, baby clubs, toddler groups, silly songs and little giggles. What my husband doesn't know won't upset him. If we'd have shared all of that, he might still be off now, being the house husband, enjoying his freedom, but not quite getting in ALL the corners with the duster!

The class collection... a note for Myleene

Following the press surrounding Myleene Klass' comments about the class collection, I thought I might put a few points together for Ms Klass so that hopefully she won't embarrass herself next time she makes a public display of ignorance (bless her cotton socks)

As class rep, and the instigator of the "would you like a collection for little Billy's birthday" question to mums I feel qualified to respond accordingly.
So Myleene, get your cup of cocoa and your reading glasses on for my top tips for a class collection.

1. Little Billy is in a class with children from all backgrounds. Little Billy is having a class party, some parents given the choice might spend £30 on him, others may only be able to spend a fiver.  The collection amount is not disclosed, only a name of a happy little child contributing to their friends birthday collection.

2. Who the hell is little Billy? I know my little Millie is in his class, but does he like Superman, Batman, Barbie or does he have other interests? Thank God I don't have to worry about what to buy him, knowing that either the class rep or his own darling mummy will get something he actually likes.

3. As Billy's mummy, spending a fortune on a party for 30 kids I barely know, what the HELL am I going to do with 30 plastic pieces of CRAP, actually 7 of which are exactly the same piece of crap, where do I put them? Do I rewrap some and wait for the next party! OMG, this is a nightmare.

4. As Billy's mummy again, I wish I could afford to buy Billy a kindle, but I can't justify spending that much on one present. If only we had a contribution, and I could tell little Billy that all his friends helped to buy his Kindle and he could let them all know what he's downloaded onto it.

5. Little Millie's mum certainly is happy knowing that she has contributed towards something little Billy actually WANTS, and although she didn't pay for the whole thing by a long shot, she knows that Billy (and his Mummy) will be really happy,

6. Oh Crap, says Little Dolly's mum. We've got the party this afternoon and I forgot to go out and buy little Billy a present. I wish someone had done a collection that I could put into and not worry about having to find something for Little Billy.

7. Little Johnny's mum is great friends with Little Billy's Mum and has decided she wants to get something personal from Little Johnny. Great.

Does that answer your question? Feel free to comment.
xx

Is the grass always greener?

Do you find that you are always looks at your friends, colleagues, acquaintances and complete strangers and thinking how much better they have it than you?
Do you think that they must go home, after a fun day in their fabulous job, to a loving other half, in their big, clean, decorated house, with well-behaved children, non shedding pets to an evening of laughter, fun and then lots of passion.
Do you think that the person in the queue in front of you in Asda must be the luckiest person in the world, because they are skinny and only have chocolate and wine in their trolley?
What about that person on the train, always smiling as their eye-devour their Iphone the whole journey?

They've all got it so much better than you, right? Probably WRONG!

It's funny how we make assumptions about the people around us, how we automatically see the imperfections in our own lives and wish we had what others have. But you never really know what goes on behind all those other doors and what is hidden from the surface.
It's very common, when meeting new people, and new potential friends that we see what we want to see, but sometimes we "see" too much in our picture of people, and to make a good impression, we ourselves don't want to start pouring our hearts out to new acquaintances. You don't want to scare them off, do you?
But rather than building a picture, based on absolutely nothing, of an idealist world you wished you lived in, that your friend probably does, and thus putting your own life down and feeling low about it, why don't you stand back and take a look at your own life. Look at the things that others might be envious of in YOUR life.
Yes, you might have just had a blazing row with your other half, but don't you just love the make up nooky. So what if your kids leave a trail of lego across the floor, purposely for your bare feet to find, check out that castle they just built. You never knew they were so creative.
Oh, and you're half a stone overweight? Poor skinny Minny down the road, hasn't eaten a piece of chocolate in two years, and there is a special offer on Thornton's with your name on it.

If you stop drooling over the fence at the greener grass (or are you looking through green tinted glasses), and look at your own grass, you will notice, between the tiny bare and muddy patches that always catch your eye, that the grass is actually not only a lush, deep green, but there are also Daisy's popping up all over it and it looks pretty, damn fine.  Then take a peek at your friends peering over at your grass, with that same look in their eyes, and do them a favour by pointing out their own Daisy's. Then move indoors and look at something that really makes you smile. Hold that thought in your head, and next time you wish your life was like your friend's, bring that thought forward and let the others wonder why you're so damn happy and smiley!